the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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