Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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