Umm I'm too high to move.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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