just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
