then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I will be naked everywhere
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
