shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You took a bar mat shot.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
