So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
