You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bring me that man meat
We need to get me chipped asap
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
