New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
