Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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