a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
