Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
