I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
