I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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