I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I fill condoms, not promises.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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