just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
