Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
