Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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