God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
