Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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