u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
