Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
