you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
