I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
