the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
