Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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