every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
