This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
