I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
