i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
