the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my sisters under your porch take her home
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
