I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
