Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
