Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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