so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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