Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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