Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
