as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
