i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
