girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
