just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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