Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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