You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
