I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
