With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
