I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
