What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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