Just fell off a train. Bad.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
