I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I lost the right to judge tonight
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
