My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
